The Biggest Irony
(or Woody)
of the 21st Century!

Obama and Tiger on
Next Cover of Golf Digest

Get this! The cover's story inside is,
"10 Tips Obama Can Take From Tiger."

Scruff, "Gotta wonder if those ten tips have anything to do with golf!"

BREAKING NEWS!!

Excerpt from police interview
with Mrs. Eldrick Tont Woods

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When Police asked Mr. Wood's wife how many times she had hit him, she responded, "I am not sure; but put me down for a 5."

Thanks Ken!

Thought for the Day

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Urgent Notice

.
Cell phone numbers go public next month. REMINDER..... all cell phone numbers are being released to telemarketing companies and you will start to receive sales calls.

YOU WILL BE CHARGED FOR THESE CALLS

Use the "Do Not Call List Canada" web site and register your phone there.
It is here: LINK
Help others by passing this on to all your friends.

Thanks Linda!

Aislin Yesterday
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Thanks Terry!

PQ Government
Hid Asbestos Report!
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LINK

Scruffy's Sexology 101
Topics GPKers are dying to

know but are too shy to ask.

.

LINK: Why Women Have Sex

LINK: All Men Watch Porn

Scruffer, "First there was that Master Andy Johnson guy. Now Dr. Oz. Why does sex have to be so open? Can't we all still be embarrassed to talk about about some things in life!"

Hitler the Leafs Fan

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Thanks Ken!

Children are Golden!

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A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."

While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!"

A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?" "You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, everyone burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

Where Does Time Go?‏

'Remember yesterday, dream about tomorrow, but you better live for today.' How quickly the years pass!

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Thanks Bev!

Top 10 Tiger Jokes

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One:
Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole in one.

Two:
What's the difference between a car and a golf ball? Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

Three:
Tiger Woods wasn't seriously injured in the crash, but he's still below par.

Four:
What were Tiger Woods and his wife doing out at 2.30 in the morning? They went clubbing

Five:
Tiger Woods crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree. He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.

Six:
Perhaps Tiger should be using a driver?

Seven:
This is the first time Tiger’s ever failed to drive 300 yards

Eight:
Apparently, Tiger admitted this crash was the closest shave he’s ever had. So Gillette has dropped his contract.

Nine:
After a wayward drive, Tiger Woods found water before nestling behind a tree

Ten:
Apparently, the only person who can beat Tiger Woods with a golf club is his wife.

Thanks Ken!

Love Those Bud
Light Ads!

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Thanks Dennis!

All Seniors
Aren't Senile

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An elderly, white-haired man walked into a jewellery store one Friday evening with a beautiful young blonde at his side.
He told the jeweller he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend.
The jeweller looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The old man said, "No, I'd like to see something more special."
At that statement, the jeweller went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," he said.
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweller asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, "By cheque. I know you need to make sure my cheque clears so I'll write it now, and you can call the bank on Monday morning to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up on Monday afternoon," he said...
On Monday morning, the jeweller 'phoned the old man and said "Sir, there's no money in that account."
"I know," said the old man, "but let me tell you about my weekend!"

Thanks Ken!

PRESS RELEASE!!

New beer now available
in Saskatchewan only

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Thanks Win!

We Are the Champions!

Peel + St. Catharine, Montreal, Yesterday

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Aislin Kills Me!

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Thanks Terry!

Be Glad This is
NOT Your Neighbour!

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Thanks Bev!

The Rest of the Story‏

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Thanks Win!

Men's Genes May
Limit Lifespan

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LINK

Canadian Tire Money News

Coin to be Introduced

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LINK

Scruff, "You know the economy is in trouble when Canadian Tire Currency is the strongest on World Money Markets!"

Neat Site to Check
Food Expiry Dates‏

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LINK

Thanks Win!

The Problem With a
Home Office

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Thanks AJ!

The $2.99 Special

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We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.

'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.'

'Then, I'll have to charge you three dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte,' the waitress warned her.

'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously.

'YES!!' stated the waitress.

'I'll take the special then,' my wife said.

'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked.

'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.

DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!

We've been around the block more than once!

Thanks Betsy!

World's #1 Golfer

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Thanks Ken and Win!

Hubble Photos

The Hubble Space Telescope is a robotic telescope located on the outer edge of the atmosphere, in circular orbit around the Earth at 593 km above sea level, with an orbital period between 96 and 97 minutes at a speed 28,000 km / h. Named as a tribute to Edwin Hubble, was launched into orbit on 24 April 1990 as a joint project of NASA and ESA, thus inaugurating the Great Observatories program. Cylindrically shaped Hubble weighs 11 tons. Its length is 13.2 m and its maximum diameter is 4.2 meters. The telescope can obtain images with higher optical resolution 0.1 seconds of arc.

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Thanks Ken!

JUST RELEASED!!!

Woods Family Portrait

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Thanks Bruce, Dennis and Win!

Obituary
Dr. Marcel Leger

Veterinary Surgeon, St. Lambert

Leger, Marcel OBITUARY MARCEL LEGER 1928 - 2009

Dr. Marcel Leger, veterinary surgeon, husband of Pierette Vincent.
He also leaves behind his sons Jean-Francois (Mary Egan), Michel (France Archambault) and his grandchildren Vincent, Maude, Jerome, Rosemarie and Colin-Patrick, his sister Lucille (Edgar) and his brother Robert (Aline), as well as several nephews and nieces.
Predeceased by his brothers Albert (Fernande, deceased), Jean-Paul (Celine) and Raymond (Andree).
The family would like to thank the nursing staff of the oncology and intensive care units of Hopital Charles Lemoyne.
Visitation will take place at: Collins Clarke Macgillivray White, 307 Riverside Dr. (corner Argyle), St. Lambert, on Thursday December 3 from 2 to 4 and 7 to 9 p.m. and Friday December 4, 2009 from 10 to 10:30 a.m.
A funeral service will be held on Friday December 4 at 11 a.m. at the Paroisse de St-Lambert Church, 41 Lorne Ave., St-Lambert, Qc.
In lieu of flowers, donations to the Canadian Cancer Society would be appreciated.
Published in the Montreal Gazette on 12/2/2009

With thanks to SueLP for advising us.

Expressions
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I'm sure that anyone who had a pet in the Park back in the day knew Dr. Leger, the wonderful vet in St. Lambert.
This man treated I don't know how many of my childhood pets and even some my dogs and cats I owned in my thirties until he retired.
He was a wonderful man, totally dedicated to his patients and their anxious humans and a true lover of animals.

Sue LP

We were in his clinic as often as a grocery store with our coterie of animals including Princess, our Irish Setter, and a coterie of cats including Mittens, Figaro, Rudolph and Tinker.
Dr. Leger was a kind man with all of them.

Mike

A Saskatchewan

Winner After All!

On Saturday night Greenfield Park's own Frank Korvemaker walked away with the coveted and very prestigious Saskatchewan Book of the Year Award which he co-produced with another writer and photographer. Below the images is a letter Roots GPK was proud to receive from this famous author.

On behalf of all GPKers and Friends ... Congratulations Frank!

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Hi Mike:

No shots yet of the ceremony yet, but I do have a copy of the certificate and one of of me holding the certificate and poster that was at the book signing table. Also a shot of me signing 350 books a while back. A copy of the Sask Book Awards official press release is also attached. The "coveted" Book of the Year Award also came with a cash prize, which sweetened the pie considerably, though we did have to split it three ways.

Locally, the book is available through various book stores, as well as Chapters, so it could likely be ordered from Chapters. The cost for this hardcover book is $39.95. The publisher, Coteau Books, in Regina also sells them, but then you get hit with postage and handling, which comes to about $12 to $17, depending on where you live. I think that the national distributor is in Toronto, but can't recall the name. You could likely get that kind of information from Coteau: http://www.coteaubooks.com/

As for "Tree Forts That I Have Built and Loved", it is in the final stages of production, and will soon be available from Hawkers and Peddlers, Booksellers Extraordinaire. I'm sure there is an outlet in your area. I'm just waiting for the Introduction from Prince Charles, long known as an avid supporter of fine architecture around the globe.

Cheers,

FRANK

---------------------------

After all was said and done Scruffy went web surfing and found these:

Frank at the book launch

Coteau Book’s Managing Editor, Nik Burton, presents a copy to Christine Tell, Saskatchewan Minister of Sports, Culture, and Recreation.

... and here's the book's cover:

Margaret Hryniuk, Frank Korvemaker
and Larry Easton

Legacy of Stone: Saskatchewan's Stone Buildings

A spectacular coffee-table book featuring the images and stories of some of Saskatchewan’s most impressive stone buildings, along with historical notes on some of the builders who made them.
In words and stunning colour pictures, this book tells the history and the current reality of over 50 fieldstone buildings in Saskatchewan. The book includes an introduction by Bernie Flaman, the provincial Heritage Architect, a historical overview, and profiles of several of Saskatchewan’s most prominent stonemasons. The balance of the book is made up of stories of the buildings ­ farmhouses, homes in urban communities, places of worship, public buildings and ruins. Margaret Hryniuk uses her years of experience in journalism to present factual yet fascinating accounts of the buildings and what is known of the people who put them there. Larry Easton’s spectacular photographs bring these beautiful stone buildings to life, and Frank Korvemaker examines the dimensions and differences of the fieldstone that
inhabits the Saskatchewan landscape.

Thought for the Day
For Ladies

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A Poem About Our Girlfriends
Someone will always be prettier.
Someone will always be smarter.
Some of their houses will be bigger..
Some will drive a better car.
Their children will do better in school.
And their husband will fix more
things around the house.
So let it go, and love you
and your circumstances.
Think about it!
The prettiest woman in the world
can have hell in her heart.
The most highly favored woman on your
job may be unable to have children.
The richest woman you know,
she's got the car, the house,
the clothes~ might be lonely.
And the Word says, 'If I have
not Love, I am nothing.' So, again, love you.
Love who you are.
Look in the mirror in the
morning and smile and say,
'I am too Blessed to be Stressed and
too Anointed, to be Disappointed!'
'Winners make things happen~~'

Thanks Ken!

Aislin Yesterday
The Bandwagon Effect

.

A True Story for Al's Owner

Watching the Bandwagon Effect

A Little Vignette in How
NOT to Forget Loyalty

Your blogmeister has been an undying fan of the Montreal Alouettes since the days before most can remember them. Well, not quite ...
I traveled from McGill Stadium, to the Concorde jobby down by the river, over to the Big Owe, then back to McGill.

In the 70's when Sammy Berger owned the show I held 10 season tickets at mid field. I would pile my GPK buds into the old Suburban and take them all to the game. Yup, 10 guys crammed into a six passenger vehicle.
It was different in those days. You could cram as many as you wanted into a van and no one got pulled over.

In fact, as long as you were discreet, you could even take a case of two-four into the Stade under your jacket. Never needed an opener, I knew how to pop the lid under the wood seats.
I digressed, but you get the point what a fan in long time standing I've been and have seen the Bandwagon Effect before.
BUT!
There were a few years when I tossed my loyalty. And rightfully so!
It was the Olympic era. The Big Owe was ready. Montreal was hosting the Grey Cup. Naturally I thought my 10 seats would be available. All my buddies were keen to go.
When I applied for them I was told I could only get two because the sixty thousand something seats were needed for "dignitaries" and all the people from Edmonton coming in for the game, (it was the 43-6 Ice Bowl Debacle).
Arguing that season ticket holders should be recognized was useless ... the bandwagon people were winning out in all the excitement. A call to Sammy could not get through. I received two seats four rows up in the Big Owe's end zone where it was impossible to see the game.
I could see one thing perfectly clear. There was Pierre Eliot Trudeau enjoying the game from MY SEATS!
Naturally my notices for Season Ticket renewal the next spring hit File 13 faster than you can say, "@#$%^&^%$#@".
A call from Berger himself did not change my mind. He was however given an abject lesson in fan loyalty. His apology did not cut it.
No longer did that tall crazy guy ever lead the whole mid-field section in "Ah You. Ah You."
If this does find its way to someone in Al's management, learn from history. Know who your real fans are and stay loyal to them. The hundreds of thousands of rabid people claiming they have been there since there was an Alouette band dressed in green and red will rush out in bad times faster than you can say, "Argos Suck!".

Died for Beauty

An ex-model who was obsessed with maintaining her youthful looks has died following surgery to make her buttocks firmer.

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LINK

A Pic Says 1000 Words

This is Suri, 3 year old daughter to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Remember when little girls wore sneakers? No wonder they grow up so fast now. A bone doctor would probably want to throw in his 2 cents too about developing spines, legs, ankles, etc.

.

Not cute, stupid!

Christmas in the Kitchen

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Twas the night before Christmas and all through the kitchen;
I was cooking and baking and moanin and bitchin.
I've been here for hours, I cant stop to rest.
This room's a disaster, just look at this mess!
Tomorrow I've got thirty people to feed.
They expect all the trimmings. Who cares what I need!
My feet are both blistered, I've got cramps in my legs.
The cat just knocked over a bowl full of eggs.
There's a knock at the door and the telephones ringing;
frosting drips on the counter as the microwaves dinging.
Two pies in the oven, desserts almost done;
my cookbook is soiled with butter and crumbs.
I've had alI I can stand, I can't take anymore;
Then in walks my husband, spilling rum on the floor.
He weaves and he wobbles, his balance unsteady;
then grins as he chuckles "The eggnog is ready!"
He looks all around and with total regret,
says "What's taking so long....aren't you through in here yet?"
As quick as a flash I reach for a knife;
He loses an earlobe; I wanted his life!
He flees from the room in terror and pain
and screams "MY GOD WOMAN, YOU'RE GOING INSANE !!"
Now what was I doing, and what is that smell?
Oh damn, it's the pies !! They're burned all to hell
I hate to admit when I make a mistake,
but I put them on BROIL instead of on BAKE.
What else can go wrong ?? Is there still more ahead?
If this is good living, I'd rather be dead.
Lord, don't get me wrong, I love holidays;
It just leaves me exhausted, all shaky and dazed.
But I promise you one thing, If I live till next year,
You wont find me pulling my hair out in here.
I'll hire a maid, a cook, and a waiter;
and if that doesn't work, I'LL HAVE IT ALL CATERED!!!

Thanks Carolyn!

Notty Santa!

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Thanks Barb!

More WalMart

Birdwatching

PLEASE NOTE: Four of the images were considered "Adult" and have been posted on our sister "Notty" blog at: LINK to NOTTY
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Thanks AJ!

BREAKING NEWS!!

Body Found in Ditch

A combined police task force between Alberta and Saskatchewan are investigating a horrible death by rinding. It is determined that the man pictured below is probably the body found last evening in a ditch on the highway between Calgary and Regina. He was found tied down and thought to have suffocated under the weight of 10,000 hollowed out watermelons.

.

What 13 Means in Regina

It's new prairie math. You'll see it on the bottom of the screen. It is (0:00 + 27 + 25)+4, the four being a flagged number. Montrealers who find this new math to be somewhat of a Grey area, here is how it works. Eliminate the 4 and change the 25 to a 28. The 0:00 and 27 are constant numbers and remain the same. It's called double kicking.

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Thought for the Day

"And he showed his wrath upon the despicable multitude by turning the thirteenth man in the house into a goat." ~Abraham 6:29

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Thanks Win!

Ranked 64th on World's
Greatest Thinkers List

.
LINK

LINK ... to full list

The Taxman

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Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he's fed.

Tax his tractor,
Tax his mule,
Teach him taxes
Are the rule.

Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for peanuts
Anyway!

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,
Tax his shirt,
Tax his work,
Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think.

Tax his cigars,
Tax his beers,
If he cries
Tax his tears..

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won't be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He's good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid.

Put these words
Upon his tomb,
'Taxes drove me
To my doom...'

When he's gone,
Do not relax,
It’s time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax
Airline surcharge tax
Airline Fuel Tax
Airport Maintenance Tax
Building Permit Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Death Tax
Dog License Tax
Driving Permit Tax
Environmental Tax (Fee)
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment (UI)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Gasoline Tax (too much per litre)
Gross Receipts Tax
Health Tax
Hunting License Tax
Hydro Tax
Inheritance Tax
Interest Tax
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Mortgage Tax
Personal Income Tax
Property Tax
Poverty Tax
Prescription Drug Tax
Provincial Income and sales tax
Real Estate Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Retail Sales Tax
Service Charge Tax
School Tax
Telephone Federal Tax
Telephone Federal, Provincial and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Water Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
--- and in 2010 in B.C., the HST

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, & our nation was one of the most prosperous in the world. We had absolutely no national debt, had a large middle class, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids. What in the hell happened? Can you spell 'politicians?' And I still have to 'Press One' for English!?!?!?!?

Thanks Ken!

Not So Brilliant
After All!

.

Mensa, (the society of insecure persons whose members have an IQ of 140 or higher), were at a Mensa convention in San Francisco. Several members lunched at a local cafe.

While dining, they discovered that their saltshaker contained pepper and their pepper shaker was full of salt. How could they swap the contents of the bottles without spilling, and using only the implements at hand? Clearly this was a job for Mensa!

The group debated and presented ideas, and finally came up with a brilliant solution involving a napkin, a straw, and an empty saucer. They called the waitress over to dazzle her with their solution.

"Ma'am," they said, "we couldn't help but notice that the pepper shaker contains salt and the salt shaker..."

"Oh," the waitress interrupted. "Sorry about that." She unscrewed the caps of both bottles and switched them.

Thanks Frank!

Your First Christmas Card

.

Thanks Ken!

You Can't Outfox a Woman

.

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey, I have been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends for fishing.. We'll be gone for a long weekend. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a 3 day weekend" .....

And also would you get out my rod and tackle box from the attic ?

We're leaving at 4:30 pm from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up..

'Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas..'

The wife thinks this sounds a bit odd, but, being the good wife,

She does exactly what her husband asked.

Following the long weekend he came home a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good. His wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish?

He says, 'Yes! Lots of Walleyes, some Bass, and a few Pike.

He said, "But why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do?"

His wife replies, "I did, they're in your tackle box".

Thanks Linda!

Adorable Bear Cubs‏

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Thanks Bev!

Pictures to Ponder‏

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Thanks Brenda!

BREAKING NEWS!

Strange Apparition Caught on Film Flying
Over Regina, Saskatchewan Last Night

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Thank You Alouettes!

.

Montreal Takes the Lead for the First Time
and Wins at the 60:00 minute mark!

Scruffy, "Hey Saskatchewan, the 13th man is supposed
to be your fans, not the guys on the field on the final play!"

.

Montreal Alouettes slotback Jamal Richardson (L) scores a touchdown as Saskatchewan Roughriders defensive back Lance Frazier tried to tackle him during the 97th CFL Grey Cup football game in Calgary, November 29, 2009

LINK ... to final Grey Cup game stats

Grey Cup Parade

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

.

The Montreal Alouettes will be sharing their championship with their fans this Wednesday, Dec. 2 in a parade down Montreal's St. Catherine Street from Crescent to the new Place des Festivals on rue Jeanne-Mance in front of la Place des Arts.

Running Can Slow
Aging's Effects

.
LINK

The Restaurant‏

.

A man and woman were having dinner in a fine restaurant.

Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few steps away, suddenly noticed the man slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, but the woman acted unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, the woman appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware her dining companion had disappeared.

The waitress went over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table."

The woman calmly looked up at her and said, "No, he didn't. My husband just walked in the door."

Thanks Ken!